It has become apparent that the public is beseiged not merely by the Republican Party - which was obvious enough - but by the federal government at large. The record, whether officially tabulated or gauged by the approval ratings, speaks for itself.
While the GOP has turned into Tylenol circa 1982, the Democrats set sail straight into the doldrums, and then worse. Conservatism is odious enough. Why would so many members of the alleged opposition go along with so many crazy schemes, many of which directly undermine the Bill of Rights?
I say this while I can, I suppose. It’s bad enough that federal agents paw through your luggage at the airport. It’s worse yet that they listen to our phone calls and read our e-mails (which is why this site exists; makes it easier for them, lightens all our tax burdens).
You may not like that Harry Reid bent over on the recent FISA bill. You might disagree with Nancy Pelosi’s promise not to impeach Bush, Cheney Inc. You should despise Joe Lieberman for giving aid and comfort to John McCain. You probably didn’t even know that Charlie Rangel long ago forwarded a bill that would reinstate the draft.
And you sure as Hell don’t know anything about H.R. 1955, sponsored by Jane Harman of California - and she was hardly the only Democrat on board. Go on, read it, and weep: http://www.govtrack.us/congress/billtext.xpd?bill=h110-1955
What have we got in front of us? Two bad parties, a pack of beasts sinking their teeth into the flock that hired them for protection. The threat of martial law hanging over our heads, with a ghastly vision of Bush as Robert Mugabe… And one decent candidate, who may or may not be a mirage.
What have we got behind us? An old, rusty French statue, drowning in the harbor, hauled down by a rope around her fair neck while we stood and watched like it was an exhibit at the county fair. Poor us.
As was so painstakingly explained by the Founding Fathers, ”martial law” means a healthy revolution (preferably at the ballot box). If our current flag is to be pulled down by these power-barons, then we would have little choice but to revert to the one we had in mind before Betsy Ross broke out the Stars and Stripes.
It makes such perfect sense as to be unmistakeable; don’t tread on me.
pH 7.22.o8
We can all relax now; gas prices are coming down. Why, I spotted it for $3.94 a gallon at an ARCO station yesterday. Looks like conservation works! And it may go down even more when the Olympics begin, and the Communists start pulling all the cars off Beijing’s streets.
See how silly it is to panic? Especially in an election year?
So there goes the argument for drilling, although the oil companies don’t seem to want to drill at all. They just want leases covering more territory in which they might drill if the notion were to ever strike them. They’re already holding and neglecting about 70 million acres in leases, including some fairly rich land right next to the desirous Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR).
However, even if we started drilling today, it would take ten years to get the first barrels to the market, not exactly instant relief. Even then, the market will either swallow it all and digest the two percent difference, or OPEC will commensurately decrease its production to negate our gains. Ah, well.
Barack Obama says that oil is tyranny, and it has always been that, but prior price spikes have subsided in the past. This time nobody is predicting any such decompression.
Yeah, things have gotten so bad that nuclear power suddenly seems like a rational idea. As with drilling, I’m all for giving them a green light on that… All they have to do is make it so that the taxpayers won’t have to insure those towers - to date, no private insurance company has been willing to write that policy.
The alternatives are being largely ignored. There is little incentive to either increase production or explore renewable energy when there is so much money to be made under current conditions. Therefore, this administration’s energy policy - its entire economic policy - amounts to nothing more than a porno flick.
Fortunately or otherwise, the movie’s almost over. Beginning next year, the Democrats will have a headlock on Congress (and probably the White House) which should lead to several measures, such as implementing tariffs, lifting the curtain on oil futures and, oh yes, taxing and rebating certain companies’ windfall profits.
The United States has just endured a period in which corporate tax rates were at historic lows, and profits ran at all-time highs. This country doesn’t have to limp around like some wounded waterfowl. Not when we’ve got a nice pair of solid-gold, ivory-handled, diamond-encrusted crutches.
See how silly it is to panic? Especially in an election year.
pH 7.17.o8
For those of you who have wondered over the years, the evidence has finally come to light… Yes, the New Yorker is still in circulation. Dry and acerbic for years - not unlike prunes - the magazine is suddenly hot and static again, perhaps more so than ever before.
The kicker is that the so-ballyhooed copy hasn’t even hit the stands yet, and it is already being described as an instant sellout. At first glance, the July 21 issue of the New Yorker will look out of place to its regular readers. Rather than the usual Rockwell-on-Haldol illustration, the cover art seems to have been lifted from the presses of MAD magazine.
There they stand, President and First Lady Obama. Barack is dressed like a teacher at a madrasa, from the turban on his head to the sandals on his feet. Michelle is in some sort of Black Pantherette garb, complete with camouflage pants, assault rifle and ammo bandolier. Her hair style has been changed to a bygone-era Afro.
They’re giving each other the now-familiar fist bump, what FOX News watchers would call a “terrorist fist-jab”. In the fireplace behind them burns an American flag, and on the wall is a framed portrait of Osama bin Laden. (All you Republicans together, now: “Who?”)
Senator Obama was quick to condemn the cover as “tasteless and offensive”, and John McCain echoed that sentiment while it was still fresh in his mind. For their part, the editorial folks at the New Yorker seemed stunned that the joke had gone so far over everyone’s heads.
It’s just satire, they said, depicting the nature of unfair, biased attacks that have been launched against the Obamas. Such nastiness has resulted in a significant number of gullible fools believing, and forwarding, all kinds of false rumors and aspersions which have been cast by right-wing kooks throughout the duration of this campaign.
These vicious smears have gained traction among the conservative base for the same (if juxtaposed) reason that the New Yorker felt safe running this cover. The magazine - which has supported Obama for months now - obviously presumed that its readers would “get it”.
(Actually the ensuing article has very little to do with the portrayal of Candidate Obama. Rather, it is an exhaustive look at the ways in which he has been formed and transformed by big-city politics in Chicago, where it basically amounts to bare knuckles and dirt lots.)
In past elections, pandering to the smaller thinkers of society has been gold in the GOP’s pan. Just as the purveyors of dishonorable whisper campaigns pander to fear and stupidity, the magazine is playing to the rest of the country’s intellect - something no conservative strategist would ever dare contemplate.
pH 7.15.o8
Dig none too deeply into the wormy earth and you will find someone who is willing to spout out loud that “God is on our side.” Equally disturbing are those who believe that “Divine Providence” led to the founding of our nation. These views are commonly held by the most ignorant of all American subcultures - conservatives.
In 1787, when Benjamin Franklin exited Independence Hall at the close of the Constitutional Convention, he was asked, “What have we got, a Monarchy or a Republic?” His curt reply: “A Republic, if you can keep it.” Not exactly a ringing endorsement of his faith in the Almighty.
There is absolutely no logic in the argument that God wants anybody to wage, much less win, any war. Would any higher power have waited ’til He’d seen “the whites of their eyes” before firing on the British? Could any supreme being lose its toes to frostbite at Valley Forge?
Of course not. The poor Colonists did, and they deserve a bit more credit than unctuous right-wingers would ever give them (then again, disparaging veterans is hardly new territory for them).
Then there’s this: In the Revolutionary war, the Redcoats also believed that God was “on their side”. So when God won, God also lost, and that doesn’t happen. God doesn’t work that way.
Two-hundred and twenty-one years later, we find ourselves led by a modern crusader, George W. Bush. He too is convinced that God is on our side, and that God in fact talks to him, which begs the question: Who Would Jesus Torture?
Anyway, since when does the beacon of the free world ape the methods of its worst enemies? That’s Osama bin Laden’s game - killing in the name of Allah. Religion with a violent bent is what got us into this mess in the first place.
Make no mistake about it - people do pray in times of war. They also pray before, during and after hurricanes. They also pray at football games. And at NASCAR races. They pray before pregnancy tests. They pray with their right hands on slot-machine handles.
You want to find God? Look in the more likely places (for instance, in nature). In the Old Testament it says Thou Shalt Not Kill, and in the New Testament we were instructed by Jesus to Turn The Other Cheek. In neither case does it say Cluster Bomb Thy Neighbor.
pH 7.o7.o8
What is it, only June? And already the prejudice has begun to trickle down from the top tiers of the Republican Party. Disgusting? Yes. Predictable? Oh, yes. Shameful? No, not really. They don’t much feel that.
Conservative “activist” Grover Norquist, whose parents were no doubt fans of Sesame Street, has bluntly informed the Los Angeles Times that he considers Democratic candidate Barack Obama to be “John Kerry with a tan.”
A tan. (Sigh) I know that a good many Americans were hoping that this election cycle could avoid such suck-holes as Grover Norquist and other affiliated 527 groups, but we can’t. Here we are.
Of course, this is the same political hack who bird-dogged McCain in the 2000 elections, and who in 2005 blasted him as a “nut-job from Arizona” and a “gun-grabbing, tax-increasing Bolshevik”. Naturally, they’ve patched up their differences since then, just as McCain has tried to mend fences with the Christian right.
This is also the same Grover Norquist who found himself in bed - figuratively speaking, of course - with Interior Secretary Gale Norton and the outfit known as CREA. In late 2006, when the Republicans still held Congress, a Senate investigative report stated that another one of Norquist’s nonprofit organizations “appeared to have perpetrated a fraud” with regard to the still-simmering Jack Abramoff scandal.
Who can forget, though, the statement that this same Grover Norquist made back when the Republican Party had a chokehold on the House and Senate (I know, I’ve beaten this horse before, but hey):
“Once the minority of House and Senate are comfortable in their minority status, they will have no problem socializing with [the opposition]. Any farmer will tell you that certain animals run around and are unpleasant, but when they’ve been fixed, then they are happy and sedate. They are contented and cheerful. They don’t go around peeing on the furniture and such.”
Yeah, he’s got a point there, except for the part about them being contented and cheerful. I guess you can’t have everything.
Anyway, thanks go out to Scoo- sorry (honest mistake), to Grover. Whoever’s hand is up his ass, forcing him to spout this racist crap, it isn’t doing John McCain any good. Therefore, he’s done a service to our country…
And we go forward.
pH 6.27.o8
Hey, did you know that John McCain is a Scientologist? You didn’t?
Scientology, the closely closeted cult that harbors Tom Cruise, John Travolta and other professional weirdos, is viewed with some suspicion by the majority of Americans. Funny thing, human nature. It always spins us in the direction of the familiar and away from things like Dianetics.
But no, McCain does not belong to the Church of Scientology (that I know of). Have we cleared that up? Great. Now we can also stop all the broadcast blather about Barack Obama being a Muslim.
Of course, it would take an amazing leap of stupidity to even wonder about that, since there was so much publicity about his controversial pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright… On the other hand, conservatives have won many blue ribbons in such events.
For his part, McCain is an Episcopalian who attends a Baptist church. I guess it makes sense in the context of conservatism. After all, President Bush has swapped out denominations three different times (and yet he still worships at the altar of capitalism). Consistency, especially that of the soul, is just too much to ask of these guys.
Pray to whomever you like. Be a weekend snake-charmer if that’s your thing. Bow before Baal if you want to. Scientology, autophrenology, entomology, it’s all good. Ours is a free society in which one can choose any religious affiliation, or none whatsoever. The Constitution explicitly prohibits any sort of religious test for elected officials.
Don’t bother trying to explain that to anyone to the right of Bob Barr. There is a certain stripe of citizen that is willing to forego the words of the Founding Fathers in favor of those of Cotton Mather. They equate their faith with their Party; neither has much to do with the good of the country.
Maybe that makes them fit to rule a Middle Eastern theocracy (actually, they’re not doing such a hot job at that, either), but they sure as Hell don’t belong here.
pH 6.25.o8
As the presidential race deteriorates into a mudslide, there is an early sense of desperation among conservatives. With so many disaffected factions (Seniors here, Evangelicals there, Fiscals scattered everywhere), the GOP doesn’t exactly have a consensus candidate. In the meantime, the battling Democrats have congealed much faster and with less rancor than anyone anticipated.
Behind his baseball cap and Blu-Blockers, John McCain looked like a lost tourist while, well, touring the flooded Midwest. All that was missing was the world’s largest ball of twine. Knowing that their candidate is at such a charismatic disadvantage, his supporters have no choice but to take the low road against Barack Obama.
It doesn’t get much lower than attacking a man’s wife, so naturally, that’s where the usual suspects have gone. Ever since her February comments (”For the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country because it feels like hope is finally making a comeback”) her life has become like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.
As many have pointed out, Michelle Obama’s “adult life” began in the early 1980s. That said, her point is perfectly debatable, but even McCain’s snarky wife Cindy had to chime in - first in February, and again recently - that she’s always been proud of her country. But the biggest offender, by far, has been Sean Hannity. His unhealthy obsession is noteworthy only in its fixative nature.
For his part, Barack has already addressed this once. Over a month ago, he warned the neo-pundits to “lay off my wife.” It seems a reasonable enough request; God knows Nancy Reagan’s a crackpot (albeit a loveable one), but nobody ever said that during Ronnie’s three presidential contests.
First Ladies only became fair game, actually, when Hillary assumed the position. In fact, criticism became so shrill and heated that Bill Clinton threatened columnist Bill Safire about it indirectly. His official statement, as declared by his spokeman: “If he were not the president, (he) would have delivered a more forceful response - on the bridge of Mr. Safire’s nose.”
Perhaps Obama needs to try that tack. Not on McCain… That would be elder-abuse. Hannity, though, certainly deserves to have his beak busted, and a skinny Gen-Xer from Chicago is just the man to do it. There would be some uproar at first, until the video made it to YouTube. Then the gap in the polls would become a yawing chasm.
Or, better yet for the sports books, let Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain (ten years her senior, by the way) wrestle it out in a vat filled with cooked pasta. At least present the public with a claymation MTV Celebrity Death Match. Come on. As long as we’re going to act like a bunch of gawkers in this election…
pH 6.21.o8
Quite some time ago, I wrote in this space that only the Powell Doctrine applies to Iraq anymore. We broke it, we bought it, and the United States bears the responsibility for restoring that country no matter what it takes. Repeat: That was quite some time ago.
It is clear now that Iraq is beyond our capacity to repair. Oh, I hear you - violence is down (except in the cases where it occurs). Well, sure it is. The opposing factions have had over five years to segregate themselves and to set up defensive positions. Worse, another half a million Iraqis have fled their country in the past year alone.
If you think about it, the situation there isn’t too much different from the one that has for so long dogged Israeli-Palestinian relations. With that as a model, it is obvious that we could indeed stay in Iraq for (as John McCain suggests) a hundred years… At least sixty that we know of.
The surge has proven only one thing: Nobody wants to directly confront American troops on account of the kind of consequences that fall from the sky and explode. (See? Arabs learn.) The only way one can honestly say that “the surge is working” is if one understands that the purpose of the surge was to keep the war going until after Bush had left office.
One candidate in the race for the White House can see how this is wearing on our soldiers. One candidate understands that diplomacy - the only tactic not tried in this war - is necessary to facilitate our exit, and that such must take place if we are to stay afloat in the global economy.
The other candidate is pro-defense contractor, and he’s as wrong about this as he is about tax cuts, health care and darn near everything else. I don’t think too many people will need to flip a coin this year.
As for the Powell Doctrine, it will need to go back for some revision. It appears to be missing a chapter at the end, one that consists of just two little words, two little words that have been lacking for far too long in this country, two little words that no sitting Republican this side of Ron Paul is even willing address.
What next?
pH 6.19.o8
As you pump your kids’ college tuition into the gas tank of your car, truck or SUV, take solace in the fact that the Oil Administration is well on its way to fossilization. That’s the real driving force behind skyrocketing fuel prices. They know they’ve only got a few more months to screw us, which they’re doing to the last drop.
Several myths have already been shattered in the past few years. Mass transit, for instance, actually works. What doesn’t work is the "free market". After the way our economy has been scuttled, that much is crystal clear. Anyone saying otherwise is a pedophile applying for a job at a day-care center, nothing more.
Nationally, we will come to our senses once the last vestiges of conservatism have been purged from our government. A Democratic president will be able to work wonders with a Democratic Congress in restoring sanity to our Cheneyed-up energy policy.
The most obvious thing government can do to change this global crisis is end the bloody Iraq war already. Oil-producing countries have stated that the rise in the price of oil is directly tied to the strength or weakness of the U.S. dollar. Speculators are killing us, too, but we’ll drag them to the lampposts later.
George W. Bush’s $800 billion sinkhole is behind the greenback’s decline, and will take generations to pay off. Being a debtor nation to China does not help the dollar, and belies another myth: That we remain a Superpower.
Whether we are or not, plenty can be done to conserve energy, to produce energy and to reduce dependence on foreign sources thereof. Get beyond the usual ideas of solar and wind - those are already proven commodities. And of course we can post 55 m.p.h. speed limits on our freeways. The airlines could easily be enticed to phase out their older, thirstier planes.
No doubt, we could develop and promote plug-in electric cars, or cars that run on compressed air, or on hydrogen fuel cells. We know about bio-fuels (and we now know to get them from non-food sources). Obviously, the nation’s heating-oil needs could be met with renewable crops like hemp or rapeseed.
Even Willie Nelson knows that big rigs can be run on used fry-oil from restaurants across the nation. All of these ideas would require considerable reworking of our nation’s infrastructure, but we’re going to need to address that problem anyway.
In the more immediate sense, price relief could be made possible in a number of ways. Raising the minimum wage would be a good place to start. Since inflation has snuffed pretty much any wage gains that have been made in the past thirty years, this is long overdue. Wailing business interests can be given the pacifier of a tax break on labor (that always shuts them up).
As for the oil companies, they’re going to have to suffer a little bit. Sorry, but the boom years are over, and a fair share must be paid. Tax increases will have to be attached to their profits, and the money will have to be sent back to the people in the form of gasoline rebates.
A much worse fate should await OPEC members and other countries that produce oil. Export tariffs ought to be applied to anything those nations want from us. We could very easily peg the price of a bushel of grain, for example, to the price of a barrel of oil. Not fair, is it? But they need it, and they can afford it.
Prescription drugs, boats, airplane parts, any and every commodity should be marked up 500 percent if the purchaser is making money from oil. Don’t like it? Then buy grain from someone else… But any other country would be foolish to sell it for less than we would - the free market, you know.
And, yes, we should probably start drilling for our own oil, and start refining our own gasoline, to ease us through the transition that must come if the world economy is to survive. Better yet, we should help Mexico and Canada extract their own resources. Even nuclear power deserves another look.
In the meantime, oil that was purchased by American taxpayers for only a few dollars a barrel sits in the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. That should be bled back into the domestic market to bring our prices in line with, say, Mexico’s (where price caps stay below three dollars a gallon - ask anyone in San Diego).
As for the average person, there are any number of ways to lessen the pain as we wait out the Oil Administration. Trade it in. Tune it up. Carpool. Inflate your tires with nitrogen. Walk or bike to work, or rediscover your love of motorcycles. Use electric lawn equipment. Lay off the plastics. Ship via rail. Eat less beef.
Most of all, keep hating on those SUV drivers, whose fault this really is. Your middle finger can do wonders for our economy.
pH 6.1o.o8
A belated Thank-You to Hillary Clinton upon her exit from the race for the Democratic presidential nomination… Belated, because she should have quit two months ago, but her ego and her husband wouldn’t let her until just now.
Having done as much damage to Barack Obama as humanly possible, our former First Lady has nothing left to do but dicker over the bills and jostle for a prominent government position. It would be quite surprising for Obama to offer her the vice presidency; a Supreme Court nomination - anchored by an ironclad Democratic majority in the Senate - is more likely to (a)happen and (b)satisfy her.
As for John McCain, he seems to be the perfect opposition candidate. He is so representative of the past that he neutralizes any negatives, real or perceived, that Obama might have (and it’s not as though he hasn’t been scoured for the past, oh, 17 months or so).
This is especially the case in a "change election". Some 36 million votes were cast in the Democratic primaries this year. In the primaries. By and large, the electorate is ready for something new, torpedoes be damned.
Don’t worry about Party unity. With the fog of the primaries lifted, a kind of clarity is sure to overtake not just Democrats, but the overall body public. Nobody thinks McCain is a bad guy, not like Bush, but he is beholden to an ideology laden with baggage - to say the least. His VP selection won’t change that no matter which way his finger dries in the wind.
Whatever the issue may be (Supreme Court vacancies, the war in Iraq, corporate taxes, the economy, et cetera), most Americans see the Senator from Arizona as President McAin’t. Today’s climate wouldn’t bode well for any GOP candidate, much less one as Dole-ish as the one on the ticket this year.
Bob Dole, though, didn’t have half the uphill run that the Senator from Arizona faces. Running against an incumbent Democrat in the midst of an historical economic boom wasn’t easy. But following in George W. Bush’s shitty bootsteps is political suicide. Even Gerald Ford had a two-year grace period after Nixon left office.
Anyway. Rank and file Republicans have only themselves to blame if they lose the White House, and when they lose many more seats in both Houses of Congress. Absent some bellicose October surprise by Bush (cue the Beach Boys), Michelle Obama might as well start picking out the drapes.
pH 6.o7.o8
Scott McClellan. Unbelievable. Much to the chagrin of conservatives everywhere, the former White House spokesman has written a less-than-flattering book about the Bush administration and its handling of, well, everything he was in on.
In short, he confirmed most of America’s suspicions about Bush-Cheney chicanery in the run-up to the war in Iraq. He also blamed the media for being too soft with him, which amounts to an intriguing mental defense mechanism. So do his qualifications about lying (he says he did, but he didn’t know he was doing it).
Let me be fair - I have never been particularly gentle with any of President Bush’s Press Secretaries (with the pseudo-exception of that little hottie, Dana Perino). Just as I used to portray Ari Fleischer as a parrot, I took delight in comparing McClellan to Rosie O’Donnell. I know that isn’t nice, but as the saying goes, it ain’t beanbag.
Now, McClellan is giving interviews left and right, answering every probing question and of course encouraging people to buy the book to get the really good gristle. As for the realm of right-wing irrelevancy, their amplitude modulation criticisms were strictly of the hair-pulling variety.
They called him a Nobody, a Loser, said he was "pathetic". They more than questioned his competency, not to mention his patriotism. The official White House response was that of shock, shock - as if McClellan had suddenly turned up homeless rather than as a latent whistle-blower.
Bush’s lawyer, Dan Bartlett, even said that McClellan had just lost every friend he’d ever had. Maybe so. Sometimes that’s the cost of a good night’s sleep.
One radio clown (I think you know the one) even posited that the former spokesman for the president must have used a ghost writer. He declared McClellan’s tell-all book to be nothing more than a set of liberal talking points…
Yeah, it was ghost written, all right. By the man’s conscience.
pH 5.29.o8
Nothing in this life is so insulated as the conservative mindset. Don’t bother counting the ways. Talk-show hosts hiding behind their call screeners makes for a good example, as does the penning up of protesters miles away from event locations. They’re sensitive to criticism, okay?
But they can be gotten to. A psy-ops approach is required, and a bit of stealth as well. I’ve been working on this in a safe and sane fashion. All it takes is a pen and a pad of Post-It Notes.
"Thank you," goes my Note, "for driving up the price of gas for everyone." If I see a Hummer or a Suburban or an Excursion, it gets stuck, right on the driver-side window. If I see a Corvette or a Viper or anything with the word "Shelby" on it, those are also considered Noteworthy.
There has to be a smidgen of fairness to this mission. If a pickup truck has construction or landscaping equipment in the bed, I understand. If an SUV has a Baby on Board sign in the back window, or some luggage tied to the roof, I’m sympathetic…
Some scrawny businesswoman flying solo in her mobile condominium, though, she’s fair game. Any golf-attired wig-wearer chatting his way to wherever in his four-by-four conservacubicle, he’s going to get Posted, too.
I only do this in office parking lots, places where one is most likely to find Greedmobiles and the self-absorbed bozos who drive them. At first they’ll blow it off in the usual way. Who cares what anyone else thinks?
Then, later, the ever-present paranoia blooms. They start in with the handwriting analysis, followed by discerning stares in the elevator. It had to have been someone at work - after all, it was written on a Post-It Note. (So who’s driving the Prius?)
At the end of the day, they’ll spelunk into the beloved Escalade, fire up that mighty 366 cubic-inch V8 and rev it to the red line on the, um - ah, the gauge next to the speedometer. They’ll drop it into gear and stomp on the gas pedal. That sounds and smells and feels good. Real good.
Then, at last, the warm damp feeling of idiocy sinks in. So foreign, like rain to the desert, like plaid on a zebra, like coconuts in Calgary. A burning, exhausting sensation, one long forgotten and yet so terribly familiar:
Dumbass.
pH 5.15.o5
Most people would admit that they favor the underdog in almost any competition. Look no further than video rentals and sales of the documentary Grizzly Man. Right now, the vast majority of us are pitted against a heavily favored opponent: Big Oil.
We have stretched and bent to find a way out of the gas crunch. Squadrons of SUVs have been traded in for more fuel-efficient vehicles. The well-dressed now rub elbows with the commoners on city buses, or take their exercise on bicycles that actually go down the road. There are even more motorcycles in transit, laden with overweight, overaged, overspent consumers ripe for the picking.
Our president has said that he understands "the pinch", and says he considers high gas prices to be "a tax on the working people" (as if he knows any). His solution is to attack the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge, which would yield a maximum of six months’ worth of oil. Nothing to see here…
No matter what, the price of a barrel of oil has been pegged to the strength - or, in this case, the weakness - of the U.S. dollar. With the infinite cost of the Iraq war officially nearing eight hundred billion dollars, the greenback is nailed down, and OPEC smiles. Widely.
Yeah, we’re up against it, all right. At the rate of about one a minute, Americans bought the newest, cheapest houses on the market so they could become part of Bush’s "ownership society", and those homes tend to be the ones flung furthest out from Jobsville.
Now the real estate market (and the lending industry that fueled it) stagnates in a broken toilet, with the cost of modern commuting just about equal to that of a decent college education. What the hell. With all the good jobs gone overseas, what good is a degree anyway?
We’re nowhere near the worst of this. Most economists are forecasting gasoline at five bucks a gallon by the middle of next year, if not by the end of this one. Some are predicting that gasoline will cost eight to ten dollars a gallon by 2011. Ready for that?
Are you? Is the economy? Because that’s nothing. There is no small amount of chatter among the trucking industry that the high price of doing business is no longer worth the trouble. They would never go on strike. That would be unpatriotic. They’ll just stop filling orders.
Who could blame them? And what happens then?
Anyway, sleep well. While you’re doing that, low-paid employees across the fruited plain will creep out into the darkness, carrying boxes full of large plastic numerals. See you in the morning, America. A marquee day it should be.
pH 5.o6.o8
Poor John McCain. Those nasty conservatives on talk radio aren’t leaving much for him to use against Barack Obama come November. Like the army of ants that it is, right-wing media has obsessed so much on the First Amendment priveleges of Rev. Jeremiah Wright as to strip the subject bare of any relevance at all. If only it had resulted in a poll dip…
Still, like the weakling with all the quarters in the batting cage, they keep swinging away. Of all the various commentators out there, it is the show with the lowest ratings that ends up being the most dogged in its tired attempts to politically handcuff Obama to his former pastor.
That would be, of course, the Michael Medved show. Since his game is guilt by association, it would seem fair to examine Medved’s own “spiritual guide”, Rabbi Daniel Lapin. And it didn’t require nearly as much scrutiny as that which Wright went through. In fact, I found what I needed in just a couple of minutes.
Now, I know that Michael Medved isn’t running for president. He’s just trying to destroy, for purely partisan reasons, someone who is. Could he be building on the sandy foundation of hypocrisy? Let’s see.
Rabbi Lapin has referred to the practice of recycling as “the sacred sacrament of liberalism”. Yet Medved proudly proclaims to ”pick up litter” whenever the opprtunity arises (he’s also a big defender of national parks); surely, he doesn’t advocate dumping plastics in landfills. How could he not know that his mentor was an eco-terrorist?
Medved also downplays the notion that conservatives are interested in installing a theocracy in the United States - which they obviously wish to do. Rabbi Lapin certainly leans in that direction, having said, ”the principles of the Republican Party and the convictions of our president more closely parallel the moral vision of the God of Abraham than those of anyone else.”
Where did he say that? At a dinner for George W. Bush, which was hosted by Ralph Reed. Yes, the same Ralph Reed who was caught playing million-dollar footsie with Jack Abramoff and Tom DeLay and various other Bush-league criminals who are now directly connected to Michael Medved.
Actually, Abramoff was on the board of a Lapin-founded organization called “Toward Tradition”, which received a donation of $25,000 from eLottery, an online gambling company. Like Medved, Rabbi Lapin constantly denounces gambling as a vice. Where does this - politely, now - inconsistency come from?
So much for sincerity and intellectual honesty, not to mention honor, or dignity. Oh, well. Nothing a few more fake awards won’t cure, like the one bestowed upon Abramoff by Lapin (Talmudic studies).
It is chancy, then, to believe Michael Medved when he announces that Rev. Wright’s sometimes-outrageous words should somehow constitute a reason not to vote for Barack Obama. His arguments, threadbare to begin with, unravel quickly when held to his own lofty standards.
pH 4.3o.o8
So, has your economic stimulus "rebate" been deposited in your account yet? Yeah? Well, come on over here. I’ve got this neat little card game…
Not falling for it, eh? Shucks. You can’t blame a fellow for being curious, though. Like most people, I’m still waiting for the check to arrive. The fancy-dans among us already got theirs deposited electronically into their bank accounts.
Before your sweaty fingers start digging through the old billfold in search of that long-lost debit card, give it a little thought, okay? Yes, you’ve been anticipating this money for a while. You’ve been thinking about it for weeks now.
Maybe that money represents a couple of car payments, or one-third of a mortgage payment, or a few wild hours in the nearest casino. Or it could represent that much-needed vacation.
Certainly, there should be no shortage of creditors at your door, if you’re like most consumers. Our Dunce Cap in Chief wants y’all to spend it on frivolous things - not on your rent or your bills. Help the economy, he says, with a straight face…
You know, the way the economy has helped you so much lately. If you’re smart, you go get yourself a mess of ten-gallon containers and stock up on as much gasoline as you can get. Or you might invest in food, like everyone on Wall Street has.
I wonder if anyone can even recall what they did with their last "rebate". So much has happened since then. I distinctly remember visiting the pawn shop, cradling that warm AK-47 in my arms, and thinking about how much sense that would make.
But then I went to the music store, and found a beautiful blue Fender Telecaster on sale. Only last year did that guitar and I part ways. I traded it to Web Guy for a cheap public address system and a 30-watt Marshall amplifier.
I sold the PA for good cash money. Web Guy gave the Tele to his cousin. I still have the Marshall. Not a bad deal at all.
Should’ve gone with the assault rifle. Thank God for second chances.
pH 4.29.o8
For the first time in at least a couple of years, I’m home from work, sick. Actually, I don’t “get sick” so much as I capture germs and kill them. This one, though, it wants to fight.
Even so, further exploration of something from my last piece is warranted. While calling out John McCain as a fearmonger, I pooh-poohed the notion that terrorists pose such a great danger compared to that which we pose unto ourselves. Statistically speaking, 86 people will commit suicide today.
There’s no need to go into the grimness of it all (been there, done that). The point is, as prices continue to rise commensurate with our blood pressure, killing oneself may not be the dumbest thing one could do - or even the most selfish.
Think about it. Suppose you’re a high-rise construction worker who is upside down on his house and his car, and leavened with credit card debt besides. The 401k is long gone. Health care costs more than college tuition will. He struggles to feed and clothe and shelter his family, never mind pumping gas.
None of these things are going to improve in the foreseeable future. What’s this honest, hard-working citizen to do, except maybe step off the end of an I-beam when nobody’s looking?
The life insurance policy will take care of the wife and kids. The accidental-death clauses will take care of the mortgage and the car payment. And no more sore feet. Rather than live with a furrowed brow, he can leap into bliss, knowing that things will be okay.
It’s his best recourse against the sort of predatory capitalism we have come to know under George W. Bush (but, hey, at least he cut your taxes). We hear every day of people making sacrifices in pursuit of their stupid dreams; why not make the ultimate one? Why not use the silver bullet?
Oh, Heller, you say, that’s just the Thera-flu talking. Nobody really thinks that way… But, you know something, they do. This scenario is not just another one of my random deluded creations. A caller to a recently-aired National Public Radio talk show laid it out exactly that way. Said he was “half-kidding.”
This is what we are left with, the arbitrage of the new American century. Your money for your life.
pH 4.23.o8
As a Phoenix Suns fan, I am currently in stasis, waiting for the noon tip-off of Game One versus our arch-nemesis, the San Antonio Sterns. To fend off the anticipation, I am dipping myself in sheer folly, which anyone can enjoy at www.johnmccain.com.
Whatever it is that the dueling Democrats are offering, it will have to compete in the general election with John McCain’s solid message of fear. His website, trimmed nicely in Cheney Black, keeps hammering home the message that he’s the one who can keep us safe.
Safe from what? Here’s his quote, right out of the box:
"The American people deserve nothing less than true protection against the emerging threats in a changing world. Those who are charged with protecting our families should be provided with all necessary resources and direction, and we must prioritize our spending, secure our borders and, fully fund the readiness of our forces."
In other words, lobbyists and contractors are going to get theirs. The Bush blood-money chain must not be broken. Before that part, though, is the pit-in-the-stomach appeal. True protection, emerging threats, protecting our families. And that’s the least of the Scary Talk Express. Try some.
John McCain understands national security and the threats facing our nation.
(Well, he’s beginning to. With some tutoring from Joe Lieberman, he’s almost got that Sunni-Shi’ite thing figured out.)
He recognizes the dangers posed by the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, violent Islamist extremists and their terrorist tactics, and the ever present threat of regional conflict that can spill into broader wars that endanger allies and destabilize areas of the world vital to American security.
(Never mind the lions, tigers and bears.)
The 1993 World Trade Center bombing, the 1998 attacks on the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, and the 2000 bombing of the USS COLE indicated a growing global terrorist threat before the attacks on New York and Washington. On the morning of September 11, 2001, Osama bin Laden’s declaration of war against the United States hit home with unmistakable clarity.
(And who was in charge back then?)
America faces a dedicated, focused, and intelligent foe in the war on terrorism. This enemy will probe to find America’s weaknesses and strike against them. The United States cannot afford to be complacent about the threat, naive about terrorist intentions, unrealistic about their capabilities, or ignorant to our national vulnerabilities.
(So we’re complacent, naive, unrealistic and ignorant if we don’t want to keep pouring hundreds of billions of dollars into Iraq… That’s not too insulting.)
In the aftermath of 9/11 John McCain fought for the creation of an independent 9/11 Commission to identify how to best address the terrorist threat and decrease our domestic vulnerability.
All right, that’s enough for one segment of one page on a web site. You get the idea; John McCain wants you to shit your pants so that he can continue on the worthless course set by the worst president in the history of the United States. How admirable.
That’s just not leadership. That’s just not the solution to the problems we face today. Anyone who is still willing to trot out the old "They’re Trying To Kill Us" routine is nothing more or less than a sniveling coward, and here’s why:
Of course "they’re" trying to kill us, and "they’re" the least of our worries. You can look it up, and don’t get dizzy. In the six and a half years since 9/11, over half a million Americans have killed each other or themselves - and that grim statistic only reflects homicides, suicides and traffic fatalities (never mind the recreational stuff).
Honestly, what are we supposed to be afraid of? The politics of fear itself must cease if we are to survive as a nation, much less lead the world into a better future.
PH 4.19.o8
Ten-second quiz: If we were to instantly reduce our troop presence in Iraq to 2007 levels, and also stop paying cash bribes to the various "Awakening Councils" policing the Sunni Triangle, would the relative stability achieved thus far hold? Or would the country return to violence and lawlessness? Put your pencils down.
If the answer is "stability would hold", then great, we can hand off security responsibilities to the Iraqis and begin the withdrawal of our overall forces there. If the answer is "return to violence", then The Surge has accomplished nothing, and should stop wasting our time, our money and our nation’s finest.
***
Freshly unearthed memos now indicate that top White House officials were discussing the finer points of detainee torture as far back as 2002. Nothing serious; just some basic manhandling, sleep deprivation and, of course, waterboarding. (Holistically and naturally, President Bush was shielded from knowing anything.)
Only a fistful of important people signed off on these measures: Dick Cheney, Condi Rice, Colin Powell, George Tenet and John Ashcroft, who warned that history would not judge us kindly for this. Amazingly, Ashcroft may well be the most honest person ever to have worked for this administration.
***
Both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have urged the president to boycott the opening ceremonies at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. But after our unprovoked invasion of Iraq, and with all the revelations of detainee torture at various locations around the world, can Bush say anything about human rights, even before such monsters as the Chinese?
If anything, Bush is the perfect representative for the United States. He can wear that flightsuit - replete with codpiece - that he modeled on the deck of the Abe Lincoln back when the Mission was considered Accomplished, about 258 weeks ago.
While he’s at it, he can squirm on Hu Jintao’s lap while the dictator waves to his People. With one arm.
***
As many have noted, it looks as though Bush may be back on the bottle. In his most recent televised appearance, he has appeared quite red in the face. He’s been slurring his words lately, and he unconsciously keeps doing this bird-beak thing with his upper lip.
At this point, the public is owed nothing less than an executive breathalyzer test.
***
Don’t worry; the government is all over this economic crisis. Not only will those Pavlovian rebate checks start showing up in the mail next month (or maybe the month after), the Congress is also seeking bipartisan foreclosure relief… For the banks.
Anytime someone tells me that they feel sorry for "homeowners" who are in such peril, I laugh. There were no guns in the room when those mortgage papers were signed. Everyone was in it to get rich quick, and it backfired. Like the Quakers say, tough oats.
***
If anything, Americans deserve all of this pain, and more. We had several chances to put in office politicians who were open in their desire for regulation of the finance industry, but instead we kept electing conservatives, who so loudly traduced those big-government liberals.
Call it the wages of sin. Thou shalt not covet, remember? Ah, well. When it comes to our nation’s top Republican, George W. Bush, that’s the least of his broken Commandments.
pH 4.1o.o8
There sure has been a lot of clamor over Barack Obama’s pastor, one Jeremiah Wright. For weeks now, the conservative torch-mob has been running the two controversial homilies they could find - out of thousands of appearances by the Reverend Wright - in an attempt to fire up the "flyover country" crowd.
Already, quite some time has passed since Obama himself addressed the issue in a poignant speech in Philadelphia. While the mainstream head kind of nodded at the candidate’s words, yesterday, a certain thrice-divorced drug addict on AM radio breathed heavily into the mic that this isn’t going to go away.
He’s hardly the only one hoping that Wright’s inflammatory language will comprise the millstone that will surely be needed if Old Man McCain is to have any chance at winning the November election. But wait… "Freedom requires religion," someone recently explained in a similar speech, "just as religion requires freedom." That someone was Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
During the GOP primary, you may recall, whenever anybody so much as mentioned that Romney was a Mormon (he’s actually a Bishop in the LDS church), those right-wing hackles would rise as one. You can’t pick on a man’s religion, they huffed.
When another church-mouse hopeful, former Baptist minister Mike Huckabee, ran an ad on TV with a white cross in the background, conservatives clucked that it was just a bookshelf, for God’s sake. And besides that, what’s your problem with Huck’s religion?
With Obama, it has to be about his religion, because they don’t dare say what this is really about. In the case of the aforementioned, can’t-stay-married pill-popper of a talk-show host, well, he already knows how to couch his bigotry nicely; to paraphrase, the media has been very desirous that a black candidate can do well.
The rest of the country seems to have moved along from this ugliness. If a certain thick-headed minority wants to remain stuck in their rut, cursing our taillights, they’re welcome to do so. Wouldn’t be the first time.
pH 4.o8.o8
Dear Scott,
I know it is unusual to use this public forum as a means of direct communication. There are so many better ways…
For instance, I could pick up the phone and call your firm in Chicago - the Windy City, the City of Broad Shoulders, Hog Butcher to the World. I might get ahold of you that way. Might not.
How far back do we go? Kindergarten? How far back goes the ice on Lake Michigan in the winter? That far. So far that remakes of movies and TV shows like Battlestar Galactica or Starsky and Hutch are aimed at our demographic. Think they know something?
Some say this is the most important election of our lifetime, Scott. Imagine that, us, at the crux of things. Neat. When it all shakes out, it is extremely probably that my Senator, John McCain of Arizona, will be running for president against your Senator, Barack Obama of Illinois.
You may not feel particularly represented by Obama. I certainly don’t feel as though McCain has ever expressed, or even defended, my views before the Congress. However that works, we’d like to think we know something about our Senators.
McCain, of course, has been around forever. Public service is perfect for him. He doesn’t really have to do anything strenuous, and he’ll get great health care for the rest of his life, which is the least our country can do for him after the horrors he endured during the Vietnam War.
Obama, we know, is a political neophyte. Were it not for the strange sexual proclivities of one Jack Ryan (not to mention his ex-wife’s willingness to expose them), Obama might not even be a U.S. Senator today. He is the polar opposite of McCain on so many levels.
And the thing is this: Knowing what we know, believing what we believe, it is very likely (likely enough, at least, to make this assumption) that I will be voting for your Senator, and you will be voting for mine. Think we know something?
Anyway, nice talking to you. Hope the family’s doing well. Don’t worry; winter’s almost gone. Has been for a long time down here. Fifty-five degrees by 4:oo a.m. I only know that because the dog woke me up for a walk, and there’s a big clock/thermometer across the street says so.
The dog likes to walk over by the "high-rise" (you’d laugh) condo tower where my Senator stays when he’s actually in town. Every so often she sees fit to poop on John McCain’s lawn. I don’t think it’s personal or anything, it’s just…
I think she knows something.
PH 3.2o.o8